“A Shadow and a Stench Have Fallen Upon This Place”
Four nights at CitizenM Bankside. Three rooms. And from the moment we crossed the threshold, it was as if we had entered Mordor by way of a train station loo.
Both rooms carried the same unwelcome signature: the persistent odor of toilet brush holders clearly on a long, unbroken tenure. The climate control, set with hope at 20°C (68) refused to yield anything below 28°C (82). The air was heavy, unmoving — more Mount Doom than London in August.
A fan was promised but, like the return of the King, never came. We were offered a room change, but the new room bore the same scent and heat, as if cursed. The iPad “controls” were little more than props in this drama, serving the role of magical talismans that, sadly, held no actual power.
At checkout, they offered one free night — a gesture that seemed almost rehearsed, perhaps given often to travelers who endure the same fate. Later, when I requested a full refund, they declined, narrowing the whole affair to “an AC issue on the last night” while politely ignoring the matter of the smell.
This place is marketed as 4-star, yet I can find no evidence of official accreditation from the AA or VisitEngland. I’ve reported the matter to both, and to Google, for review.
If you seek a night’s rest, look elsewhere. But if you wish to undertake an endurance trial worthy of the Fellowship — complete with heat, odor, and empty promises — then by all means, CitizenM Bankside awaits.